Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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