i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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