He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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