We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
