my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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