I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
