I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
