Christians are straight up FREAKS
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
