remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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