Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
