I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
And then he peed in my hair
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