he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
