i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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