I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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