I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize