to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Acid is not a monday night drug
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
