Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you had me at cake vodka
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
