it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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