just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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