If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
whose parrot is this?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize