Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize