woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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