the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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