Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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