If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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