I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
