Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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