so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
4 words: hood of his car
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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