Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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