Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
