he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
