Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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