the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
try to milk me bitch
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
