He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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