I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize