And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
