He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
