We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
