why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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