I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
