i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
