Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
