1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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