I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Drunk is a universal language darling
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
