I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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