its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
did i walk over a car last night?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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