I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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