is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
