We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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