At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
