Midget sex pt 2 tonight
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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