he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
