pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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