and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
