His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
