It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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