if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize