I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
