____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
