like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
