Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
