It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
