i think my mom watched the whole time
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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