i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
