Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
be right there i have to get my cape
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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