i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
They are going to name an STD after you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
